salt

Hey guys -

a mostly unplanned, spontaneous post here. I stumbled across one LM’s blog and felt inspired and introspective for a moment, and remembered: my best thoughts come from channeling procrastination into self-reflection.

So: Life is, on the whole, pretty good. Being a junior is awesome; I’ve got this romantic relationship which I’m pretty much a fan of; I feel like I’m heading in a direction, and I am very, very happy that it’s a cool direction. And I feel like I’m making my own future regardless of what my past consisted of — my trajectory can forget its initial conditions.

And sometimes this is terrifying. And sometimes it’s heartbreaking. As optimistic as I am about my current condition, it’s not always peaches. I was never happy about my family situation back home, and one of the most fundamentally positive parts of my college experience has been to simply leave. But things have never been well at home, and every time I go back things just seem to suck more. My dad’s health is getting visibly worse, and he’s uninsured; my sister will – barely – finish high school, and goodness knows what’s next; my mom’s doing alright, but on shaky ground. This all could be bundled in another post, easily.

The central thing here is – yes, I am happy with my life, but I’ve got a fair amount of guilt that pops up whenever I think too much of my family and of home. This, uh, kind of sucks sometimes, and it does feel isolating sometimes at an Ivy League school.

I’m running out of steam, and this isn’t honestly much of a post, but I know it’ll never see the light of internet if I send it to the drafts pile, so here you go. I even included a music video!

Love and thoughts.